We know our children mimic what they see and hear. If you want evidence of that, perhaps you could look at your own upbringing and see the traits and behaviours you now emulate from the people who were around you.
Our life is often, a reflection of what we have been exposed to from our parents to our teachers, mentors etc. They have all left their mark on us, as it were, both good and bad.
Some of us were lucky enough, to have someone in our life offering encouragement and guidance, helping us to believe in ourselves and realize our dreams.
Sadly, many of us are often metaphorically speaking, flipping through the troubleshooting pages of the book of life in an attempt to fix ourselves and resolve our issues and fears, to discover why life is not working out the way we wanted it to.
I must invite you to #justpause right here.
Life is not working out for us because of the stories we are telling ourselves. Yes, you may want that promotion but in your mind, you might be saying things like, “I’m not really good enough to do the job,” or, “what if I can’t deliver?”
You might want to meet a partner but you’re thinking, “I’m too old to meet someone,” or “This is a waste of time.”
You may want to start your own business but you’re thinking “I can’t really afford it and I’m scared to lose my investment.”
Or, you might get praise for what you do at work but deep down you feel like a fraud and believe you don’t deserve to be acknowledged.
So, you see, with some troubleshooting you will discover your life is not working out because you keep cancelling the possibilities the more you doubt yourself and feel that what you want is not available to you.
Because so many of us adults are only beginning to understand the power of our mind and the effects of our thoughts, it is understandable why our children doubt themselves and consequently suffer from anxiety and depression.
I’d like to share with you that the mind is not as complicated as we may have been led to believe. Having trained with Marisa Peer, the UK’s number one therapist, in London last year as a Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapist, I learned the rules of the mind and how to harness them. Here they are –
- Your mind does what it thinks you want it to do.
- Your mind responds to words and pictures.
- Your mind will always do what is familiar.
We are living with results in our lives today based on the choices we have made in the past. If the results we are experiencing are not pleasing us, the good news is that, we can change them by changing our mind.
The secret lies in how we communicate with ourselves and telling our mind what we actually want and believing we can have it. We must use positive words and repeat them often. Instead of telling ourselves, we’re not good enough to go for that promotion, we must say “I want this job, I’m good enough to do this job and I’m choosing to go for it because I deserve it.”
Your mind will respond to this and you will approach the situation with more confidence and certainty. Each word you are saying is creating a corresponding image and now you can see yourself doing the interview and being successful. You must make being confident and feeling deserving familiar and the fear of failure unfamiliar.
For example, to relate this to children, perhaps, your child might want to do trials in their chosen sport, in order to be selected for the team, but they are thinking that they are not good enough and the words they are saying silently are – “I’m not going to get picked, the manager doesn’t like me.” This creates a picture in the child’s mind and can give rise to anxiety.
We must share the rules of the mind with every child, so that they can set themselves up for success in whatever area of their life they choose. This works for doing exams, studying, homework, hobbies and interests. It can be used to help with focus, concentration and motivation.
It’s vital to begin by praising yourself. It is not arrogant or conceited to do so, contrary to what you may have been told in the past. In fact scientists are encouraging us to praise ourselves, as the opposite behavior is self-criticism, which can lead to depression.
Saying things such as, I love myself or I am learning to love myself are so important in changing our brain chemistry and over time it becomes true. It takes 21 days to create a new habit and habits are formed by repetition, so telling yourself over and over again, positive statements of truth will have a very affirming effect on our psyche.
The greatest three words we can say to ourselves and teach our children are “I am enough!”
Encourage your children by posting these words on post it stickers around the house, you can write it on mirrors with special markers or lipstick or eyeliner. The more visible it is, the quicker it will become engrained in our brains.
When children are being bullied, they feel they are different and not enough. Encouraging them to say these words over and over will help them overcome their lack of confidence and raise their self-esteem.
Interestingly, the children who bully also feel that they are not enough which is why they seek power from their negative behavior. We can let our children know that bullies are often hurt themselves and don’t believe in themselves very much.
For more information on how Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy can help you to improve your self-esteem and confidence, please email me at pauline @justpause.ie or call me on 083 034 4121.